I Just Ordered A Tesla Cybertruck To Intimidate The Hell Out Of My Meth-Neck Neighbors

Yesterday morning I woke up to my wife watching Elon smash the windows of his Cybertruck prototype while I was trying to mediate. I have to own that it was pretty hard to sit there and finish my 20 minutes of meditation without jumping up to join her. I’ve been awaiting the Tesla Cybertruck release for many years now, and I was not disappointed. I live in the heart of what I affectionally call ‘Trump Country’ and in the last 20 years I have had neighbors that have pulled shotguns on me, threaten to ‘bury me with their pigs’, as well as breaking into my barn and leave steaming piles of dog shit in exploded paper bags.

To deal with this I’ve done what any red-blooded American would do, bought guns and setup 24 security cameras that stream in real-time to the internet. I’ve also cultivated a reputation in the neighborhood of being absolutely batshit crazy, which is reinforced by deer skulls mounted in front of my cars and cars that are spraypainted or wrapped to look over-the-top insane. If you want to live in the land of meth, skid marks all over the road from drag racing, trucks without mufflers and coal rollers you have to make these guys think you are not to be f*&$ed with. The best way to do that is to drive around in a giant bulletproof electric truck that looks like it belongs on the surface of Mars. So after I watched the introduction video and talked it over with the wifey-poo I just plunked down $100 and held my place in line. This article is about why I did that and why I think you should ignore all the fossil fuel and auto corporation funded trolls online and do the same.

The last 7 cars I’ve bought if you add them all up together equal a total out of pocket expense of $2,100 (which means an average of $300 a car). I do most of my own work on my sh!tboxes, but I still end up spending about $1000/yr to keep 5 of them on the road at a time (one for my son who is in college, two for my wife and two for me). It’s way cheaper for me to have backup cars for when my primary’s fail than to buy a new car. I’ve never bought a new car, the Cybertruck will be my first. I don’t know anyone who gets away with having as many cars as I do and paying so little for them. If any car I have ever has a repair that is more than $500 I dump it on Craigslist or take it to the junkyard. The Cybertruck is a way for me to consolidate and get down to just using one car for myself instead of 2 or 3.

The Delorian is one of the only other stainless steel cars that were ever mass-produced, I test drove one 20 years ago and it was awesome, even for someone who was 6′ 9″

It’s all about the rust

I live in NY and cars self destruct after about 7 or 8 years from the salt. The Cybertruck is made out of thick stainless steel which takes a very, very long time to rust. If Tesla is smart enough to use stainless bolts on the suspension members then the only thing that should wear out is the rubber on the joints. I think it’s crazy that they keep making cars out of regular steel when there is no way to keep it from rusting when they cover the roads in salt for 5 months out of the year.

This was my daily driver for 15 years, I designed all the art from scratch using Poser, Bryce and Photoshop

I’m planning on using this truck for 20 years

I did some calculations between getting a Tundra ($250/mth in gas) and the Cybertruck powered from my new $26,000 solar grid I put in this year. In 10 years I’ll save $30,000 assuming that gas stays at the same price and doesn’t increase. If I keep the truck for 20 years then I have more than paid for the truck with the GAS savings alone ($60,000 if gas stayed the same price). That does not count the $20,000 I will save in maintenance as well as all the time I won’t have to spend fixing my damn cars. It’s a win-win-win situation. Will the battery pack last 20 years? Probably not, but by then I’m sure I’ll be able to get a replacement pack that is a lot cheaper and will have more capacity.

Yeah, so he broke the windows in the demo, get over it, can you imagine a CEO of the ‘big three’ staging a stunt like that? I can’t

Why do I live out in the boonies?

When the mother of my child and I separated we were living over an hour apart and I didn’t get to spend hardly any time with my 1-year-old son. I lived in the nicest house I had ever been in, and did not want to sell it, but I did and bought a run-down old 3,500sq ft farmhouse 20 minutes south of Ithaca, NY. After the sale, I signed the house over to my son’s mother against the advice of my real estate agent, the bank, the lawyers and my parents. For many years we lived in the same house together and I lived upstairs in a small apartment and we split the time with my son 50/50. I figured it was better to give the house to her than to give the money to lawyers and fight over custody, and I have to say that is one of the best decisions I have ever made. 20 years later everyone is gone but me, I’ve found peace out here that I never expected to, and my love of Shindagin forest is pretty intense. I try to ride in the woods every day, and in the hunting season, I still ride, just after it gets dark so I won’t get shot. I now have 42 acres that I am planting 10,000 nut trees on in 1 year without a tractor and a large farmhouse with 3 apartments that have been completely paid off for over 7 years now. Owning a home and being debt-free is probably the best that any American can hope for nowadays. That’s me, living the dream.

So this is the crap that ‘normal’ car companies are churning out in mass, you wanna talk about fugly?

I’m tired of car design, or lack of it

When I was young I spent countless hours drawing cars. I used to play an old steve Jackson game called Car Wars, but I didn’t have many friends so instead I just spent countless hours designing and drawing countless cars. They were always totally awesome and never looked like something you would see in everyday life. When I saw the Cybertruck, it awakened something within me that I had forgotten was there. A love of things that were cool and that looked fast and looked lethal. I can imagine the Cybertruck in the playa of Burning Man with flame throwers all over it and a bunch of Deathguild members hanging off the back. That is what I want to drive, not a friggin Leaf.

Nothing screams success to your meth head neighbors like owning this truck

It’s funny how so many people act so disappointed by the reveal

Almost every article online I find is littered with opinions like it’s such a shame that Elon didn’t build a pickup truck for people who buy pickup trucks. I find this incredible, the Cybertruck has

  • more seats than most full-sized trucks
  • no ladder frame
  • a full-sized bed that actually locks your tools and stuff in
  • the ability to hook up whatever 120v or 240v tools and run them all day long
  • the ability to tow as much as any ICE truck in their price range
  • savings of hundreds of dollars a month for most truck users for fuel
  • bulletproof panels, even if the glass is not
  • more ground clearance than any truck on the market
  • a built-in ramp for the rear liftgate
  • adjustable air suspension
  • will never rust

My son loaned me his car for just one day to fix the muffler and I returned it with a custom paint job, moral of the story, don’t loan me your car…

So you can’t tell me if Tesla had released a pickup truck that looked exactly like all the other stupid cookie cutter trucks on the market right now with some stupid angry facia that screams “The world done me wrong” that they would be eating it up. Instead, most journalists seem like a bunch of whiny kids that didn’t get what they wanted for Xmas. I can’t even read any mainstream articles about the Cybertruck anymore, it’s just too depressing.

A neighbor’s truck that looked a lot like this tailgated me less than a meter from my bumper for several miles while I went exactly the speed limit, then when I pulled over to let him pass, he pulled up alongside and spent several minutes screaming at me (true story)

It’s important to keep appearances up with the neighbors, but not the way you think

In suburban America, it’s all about keeping up with the Jones, but in Upstate NY meth country it’s all about protecting your stuff and making it seem like you’re so crazy that no one will mess with you. When all your neighbors drive around in cars that look like they are from Mad Max and they get so whacked out of their minds on drugs that they bang hammers on metal for 10 hours at a time, it’s hard to look and act even more insane than that. It’s a small town and I wave at everyone I drive by on my road, and everyone here knows who the troublemakers are. It’s kind of like the wild west, where anything goes. If the trailer next door blew up from a meth lab gone wrong, it wouldn’t surprise me in the least, but there are many of my neighbors who are absolutely amazing people and would bend over backward to help a stranger (and are die-hard republicans). For anyone on the outside looking at what is happing here, it seems like madness, but I assure you that it’s not. You just have to act like the craziest inmate in the asylum.

Ride On.

This is the $500 car I’ve been driving for the last 3 years, it’s the best car I’ve ever owned, notice the deer skull with glowing blue marble eyes on the dash

If you’re going to buy a Tesla or Tesla solar I implore you to please use my referral code (link here).

14 thoughts on “I Just Ordered A Tesla Cybertruck To Intimidate The Hell Out Of My Meth-Neck Neighbors

    • Yeah, you have no idea. It’s even more insane than what I could possibly write about. The good people are amazing, regardless of whatever dipshit on either party they vote for. The bad people are absolutely unapologetically incorrigible.

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  1. Karl, all that behavior just means that they love you. Make no mistake they also love your car and they will love the Tesla Truck. They will love making fun of you for it also. Although I hope Elon figures out the bullet proof part because people are going to want to test that.

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  2. I’ve been driving a plug in Prius the last 3 years, bought used. Charged off my grid tied solar system. Best car I’ve ever owned. 13 mile range on the battery, on road trips I get low to high 50 mpg, I can sleep in it, lots of room with the rear seat down (not for you maybe), and with the passenger front seat out, my Montague folder with a BBSHD and a Rohloff has plenty of room to not need a bike rack. Used Prius’s are some the best bang for the buck around and are historically super reliable and trouble free.

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  3. Karl — I’ve been working on e-assist for various bike/trike configurations for several years and have always trusted your reviews, based on your technical competence and objectivity. Your humor and passion is just icing on the proverbial cake. My wife is just in the process of ordering a cybertruck using your referral code. Keep up the great work!

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  4. Pingback: Could the Tesla Cyberquad usher in a new era of silent hooliganism? | ELECTRICBIKE.COM

  5. Mate been following your blogg for awhile started when researching e bikes id be happy as a pig in shit (pigs dont actuary like to live in shit ) to live next to you but you understand where im coming from Cheers from West Australia

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